HR: Just go to hell!
Me: So stay? or leave? I’m confused.
Boss to Me, “Yes. Doing your job is part of your job.”
I complain to HR, “Sorry Ma’am, but the salary doesn’t even remotely match the effort I put into my work.”
HR nods, “I know, but we can’t let you starve to death.”
Boss: Can you come to the office on Sunday there’s some work to finish.
Me: Sure, however, I’ll be late at work as public transport on Sundays is really bad.
Boss: Sure. That should be fine. By when would you reach.
Boss: How can we keep the office clean?
Me: By staying at home.
You are as useless as the ‘ueue’ in the spelling of Queue.
If you think your job sucks, remember whenever a famous personality dies, someone at Wikipedia has to change all the verbs to past tense.
There was a safety meeting at work today. They asked me, “what steps would you take in the event of a fire?”
“Big Ones” was the wrong answer.
Yesterday I did nothing and today I’m finishing what I did yesterday.
Nothing ruins a Friday more than an understanding that today is Tuesday.
Coworker: Do you ever think about work at home?
Me: I don’t even think about work at work!
A guy goes in for a job interview and sits down with the boss.
The boss asks him, “What do you think is your worst quality?”
The man says “I’m probably too honest.”
The boss says, “That’s not a bad thing, I think being honest is a good quality.”
The man replies, “I don’t care about what you think!”
Boss: Why is that I always catch you goofing off?
Me: That’s easy! It’s because you walk so quietly.
When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency…
I always write, “A very good doctor”
HR: “What’s your biggest weakness?”
HR: “And besides that?”
Me: “Follow up questions”