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Blonde Jokes

Blonde Jokes
Blonde Jokes

1.

A blonde girl calls her husband: “Darling, the car won’t start!”

The husband says: “Oh yes, I forgot to mention this. When I’m not driving with you, you have to sit on the left side.”

2.

Ear doctor to a blonde: “Could you please put a hand over your other ear? The sun is quite blinding.”

3.

 One blonde to the other: “Shall I tell my parents that I am adopted?”

4.

Why did God create blondes?

So there’d be somebody to fetch beer.

Why did God create brunettes?

Because the blondes were failing at it miserably.

5.

How do you confuse a blonde?

That is impossible. They’re already born that way.

6.

A blonde girl says to her friend, “I think Bill is cheating on me. I’m no longer even sure the kids are mine.”

7.

Why was the blonde running in circles around her bed?

She was trying to catch up on her sleep.

8.

A blonde girl comes to the emergency room with burns on both ears and says, “Doctor, I was totally lost in thoughts and my phone rang and I picked up a hot iron instead.”

The doctor wonders, “And what happened to the other ear?”

The blonde girl replies, “Well I had to call my boyfriend to take me to the hospital!”

9.

A guy is telling a brunette some blonde jokes. Finally, she interrupts him and says, “It’s really funny and everything, but I’m actually a blonde, I’ve been dying my hair for years.”

“Oh”, hesitates the man, “um, should I start over and talk very, very slowly?”

10.

One shark says to the other: “I ate a diver last week. I’m still sick from all the plastic.”

The other shark waves a fin: “That’s nothing. I ate a blonde last week. She was such an airhead I still can’t dive.”

11.

A blonde goes to court. Eventually, the judge says: “I hereby declare the case closed. There is not enough evidence that you stole 10,000 US$.”

The blonde is thrilled: “Gosh, so does that mean I can keep the money?”

12.

Why do women have blue spots around their navels sometimes? 

Because there are also blonde men.

13.

Q: What is long and hard for a blonde?

A: GradeFive.

14.

Why would it take too long to build a blonde snowman?

You would spend too much time hollowing out the head.

15.

Do you need to keep a blonde girl busy for days? Give her a paper with “please turn over” written on both sides.

16.

One blonde asks another: “How come the meteorites always manage to land in craters?”

17.

Two blondes are talking, “Did you know that Christmas will be on Friday this year?”

“Oh hell, not Friday the 13th I hope!”

18.

A blonde comes to her office in a terrible state, crying…

The boss is concerned and asks what happened.

“My dad just died!” sobs the blonde.

“That is terrible, Sandy, you know, you should go home and take the time for yourself.”

The blonde agrees and goes home.

The next day she’s kind of fine – until mid-day when she’s all in tears again.

“What’s wrong?” asks the boss.

“This is unbelievable,” wails the blonde, “I’ve just spoken to my brother – and his dad just died too!”

19.

What does a fox do when he steps into a trap?

He bites off one leg and is free.

What does a blonde fox do when he steps into a trap?

He bites off 3 legs and is still trapped.

20.

How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?

Just put her in front of a mirror and have her play “Stone, paper, scissors.”

21.

“Now I know why I gained weight!“

Anna, 24, blonde – throws her volumizing shampoo in the trash.

22.

The teacher announces to the class: “Your math test was really bad. 32% of you got an F.”

Blonde Chloe shouts in outrage: “Ha, that can’t be right. There’s not even that many of us in the class!”

23.

A blonde woman wants to cross the street but falls into an open manhole despite the warnings that have been put around it.

Another blonde woman tries to cross the street but also falls into the same manhole.

Then a third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh and eighth.

All those blondes tried to cross the street but fell into the manhole.

Then a ninth blonde tried to cross the street – and succeeded. How could that happen?

Answer: The manhole was full. She could step on the head of one of the previous blondes.

24. 

A blonde girl at a train station asks the conductor, “Excuse me, will this train take me to Seattle?”

“No, Miss, I’m afraid not,” the conductor shakes his head and is about to continue when another blonde peeks from behind her and asks, “And me?”

25. 

Santa Claus, a blonde with an IQ over 100 and a normal blonde are walking along the street. Suddenly they see a 100 dollar bill lying on the street. Who will pick it up first?

Answer: Nobody. Santa Clause doesn’t really exist, nor does a blonde with an IQ over 100. And the normal blonde thinks the bill is a run-over frog.

26.

Why would blondes survive a possible zombie apocalypse?

You know the zombie chant, don’t you? “Brains!!!”

27.

A blonde police officer stops a car. In the car sits a blonde woman. The police officer asks for her driving license. The blonde woman is a bit puzzled and asks what a driving license is?

The blonde officer explains that it is the little thing with her picture on it

The blonde woman roots through her handbag and fishes out her little cosmetic mirror. She hands it to the blonde police officer. The officer looks at it and says: Oh I’m sorry ma’am – I didn’t know you were also with the force. Please, drive on.

Written by Sumit

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